That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
