but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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