How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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