My sheets look like a crime scene.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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