I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
