I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
