WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
