I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
