The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
