happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
