Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
