do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
