you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
