dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
