He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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