His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
