I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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