she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
