Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
