We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
