I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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