trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
