Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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