wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
