Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
