you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
