So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I look better un-naked...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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