Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
3 2 1 whiskey
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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