I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
