He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the day after is always just damage control
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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