I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
