I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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