You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
