I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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