took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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