Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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