ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
