Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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