He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
