Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
