***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Randomize
