Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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