i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
