so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
