He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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