chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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