I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
