Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just had sex bonerless
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
