So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
