so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
