Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
