that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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