his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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