so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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