i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
