u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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