If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize