hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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