fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
