that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
