What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
