I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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