Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
