The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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