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So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
