If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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