My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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