she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
