you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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